Entry Eight - Jan 1/08

Wow, 2008. I ended 2007 and started 2008 with my best friend. Later on in the night, we played smurf shots. It was fun at the time, but today I sort of regret it. It's when you watch an episode of the smurfs, and everytime they say smurf, you take a shot of straight vodka. Oh yea, real fun, real plastered, real fast.

My friend ended up spending the rest of the night hanging over the toilet. Happy 2008. I was up til five, sixish making sure she was okay after she passed out at four thirty. I was completely smashed, but apparently I still have half a mind at that point, and realised that I hadn't even thought of a new year's resoloution. I don't want to give up something, because everyone does that. I want to try something, several things, but I don't know what those things are yet. I guess I'll find out during the year.

I'm still having trouble figuring out the whole, where to live thing. My dad randomly started bashing everything that I want to do with my life, and apparently he was 'just being honest.' I could tell he was just attacking me because of the whole move thing, and thinking I still wasn't going to move. Understandable, I guess. Well, my mom offered me a car, which I said a while ago, and that I can have it , if I just finish this year at the highschool im at now. Well, I told my dad, and he said take the car. I was like awesome, easy way out. Now i can have both the school, car and live at my dads, just for another four months. But of course, nothing is easy. He said he wanted to put his needs aside and think of mine. 20 minutes later, I was out of the shower, and he was telling me how it's just another trap to get me to stay at my mom's house, and that it would be horrible and I wouldn't end up moving. So now, I'm in the same place.

I basically feel like shit, not knowing where to move, mixed with a massive hangover from new year's eve. I can't even put into words how I feel. It's like , my stomach feels like when you speed over a hill quickly and it flips for a second. Well that second hasn't stopped for me, and the feeling won't go away. I don't know if it's guilt or anything, but I hate the feeling. I want the car, and I want to move in, or I wanted too. I'm not so sure now, and that's what makes me feel so awful. He attacked me because he accused me of what he didn't even know. And I don't think I want that. Then he 'put his feelings aside' and then brought them back after he had time to think about it. He said he doesn't want to make it hard for me, but I'm absoloutly dying from the pain.

Until tomorrow.