Saturday, January 12, 2008

Entry Fifteen - Jan 12/08

When did everyone get so lost? I guess, I was sort of looking on this site I made a long time ago, and all the pictures, and everything about it reminded me of when I was younger. Not much younger, 5 years ago, about. Maybe more like 6. It's when everything changed and I grew up. I wish I hadn't now. I wish I hadn't grown up so fast.

I've sort of been the mom for my sisters and brothers for as long as I can remember. I have three sisters, and one brother, now a step brother too. It's like, sometimes I just wish I could go back, to when nothing mattered, going to school was easy, and life was easier. Growing up is hard I guess.

My parents finally got divorced in grade six, and by grade seven, I was .. grown up. At least, I thought I was. I think about the things I did, and the people I decided to do stuff with, and just memories in general, and I just think, what the hell. When did we get so lost? That there are twelve year olds running around having sex, doing drugs, and hurting themselves. Where are we now?

Well, I think about it, not much different, except I am older, and all I know is, it's gotten worse. The other day, my friend told me about these two boys, in grade three and grade five who raped this grade four girl. What's more sad, is that the grade three boy is the one who did the raping. Honestly, when I was in grade three, my favourite things were pools and trampolines, and I liked boys, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't tell you why, or that we somehow went together to make more people. Pathetic, I know, but I was nine. Now there are nine year olds raping ten year olds and it's just like, where did we get so lost?

I guess I'm a little lost right now, I just need someone to help find me. Because I'm having trouble finding a way out.

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