Entry Thirteen - Jan 10/08

Love is fragile. That's what I concluded while at work today. I know, totally random right? Well, it made sense to me. Anything can break it, but if you take care of it, it won't shatter. Something along those lines anyways.

So, yesterday this guy was a total ass, and he was trying to give me a legitimate reason why, well.. it only got more interesting. He ended up telling me that he wanted to be the guy that I thought about before I went to sleep, and the one that I was with when I needed someone there, and the one I called my man, or hubby, or boy or 'whatever I call it.' He wanted to be it. Well, that was sort of overwhelming, and thats all I could say. Oh wow.

I thought about what he said, and probably ran it through my mind a million times in a few minutes until I said it, and I can't even believe I did. I was thinking about after I guess, when we were just talking, and it was like I never wanted that time to leave. Keep in mind, E was what made me in such a mood in the first place, so whether the time after was real or not, I guess I'll never know. After I said it, he told me he couldn't believe me. That pissed me off. He had just said it to me, and then I said I didn't want him lying to me. He said he wasn't. So how come all the sudden I was a liar when I said it? He said he didn't want me to say it unless I meant it, because that whole night, all he wanted to do was say it to me, but he didn't want me to feel like I needed to say it back. I guess this is what happens when someone tells you they love you. And that's all I said, I love you.

I honestly can't even begin to understand why I said I loved him. He just told me he loved me, and that he wasn't lying, and blah blah. And I dunno.. I just.. said it back. I don't know why, it's like.. the one piece of the puzzle that you need to make the picture actually look like something, is missing.

Well , what the hell, because I don't think I love him, no, definetly not, and now, I don't even know where everything is at.

Love is fragile, and complicated. Even more so, when you don't love them back... and they think you do.